No Bad Movies

I have been at the beach all week and have yet to judge a woman's boob job. My kids would rather play in the water spicket at our rental than the water of the gulf, and there is sand everywhere. We are having a fantastic time, because we have not been in any competition with wealthy people involving Seafood and Sailing, mostly because the beach is pretty much empty. I did almost pick a fight with a seagull, but that story is for a different day.  My youngest was nearly prosecuted for trespassing on a clothing optional beach. It would not have been so bad if he did not insist on taking pictures. I tried to explain to him, but he is 2, and just doesn't get it. I did show up to the correct address the first time, so B&E charges were not necessary. I did go to a seafood restaurant called Dirty Dicks and it was good. They actually had a claw game for Lobsters. It was $2 a try, and if you successfully caught a Lobster, they would cook it for free. My question was "The Cut-Off" What I mean by that is, What if I tried 10 times? That would $20 for no Lobster. I wonder if they would give me a Lobster if I tried that many times? The answer. Hell No. We did order a platter filled with the most fried food I have ever seen. I'm pretty sure that along with the frog legs, scallops, shrimp, crab fingers, crab legs, and fries, I had a deep fried Drink Umbrella and Sword combination. Not great. The sword I mean, the umbrella was decent. And what is it about a shirt that says "I got crabs at Dirty Dicks" that gets the 12 year old inside of all of us laughing, especially my 55 year old mother in law? I have not been burned yet, but I do have an inflatable cast on my entire right leg. That would not be so bad if we did not have to go down 67 stairs to get to the beach. The problem with going down 67 steps is, eventually you have to go Up 67 steps, which in turn, leads to the muscles in one's buttocks to be sore for days on end. Half way through our trip and all is well. Taking the kids to the zoo today, so as long as the main attractions are not dogs and house cats, it should be fun. 

**Fun Fact about my consumption to this point. 3 bottles of wine, 16 beers, a shot of tequila, and I licked a toad I found on the beach...he tasted like sand.

**This has been a bit of fiction and a bit of truth. I'll let you decide what you want to believe. As for me, I have to go find a sailor that resembles Rip Torn.